Pumpkins Don’t Have Ankles

Another chat between me and my friend Mike. Somehow while we were complaining about a particular genre of popular lit, we spontaneously created one. (It was surprisingly easy!)
me
I do NOT like sentimental books about people living on the prairie, which is like 94.3% of Women’s Christian fiction
Mike
94.35% since my new book “Cyclone of Romance”
about Debra, [...]

My friend Mike D (of Ticket Poetry fame) and I were discussing some of our old Gmail chats, and I thought this one was funny enough to post.
(please keep in mind that it was pretty late in the evening when we wrote this)
me
call out the st. bernards. tell them it’s a code mauve
Mike
we may have [...]

How many ways can you say “Let’s meet for lunch at 12:10 in the cafeteria?” Well, for me and my Monday-Wednesday lunch buddies, we’ve turned the mundane task of checking who will show up for lunch into an art. Here is just a sample of some of the emails that have traveled across campus this [...]

Well, here I am. My church’s Christmas play, A Jerusalem Story, will be performed tomorrow morning. After a months of researching, writing, gathering props, learning how to direct and act at the same time, and ordering fake beards online, I just won’t know what to do with my time once it’s all over.
Wait, I just [...]

Here’s yet another strange email interchange with my sister Becky. In this one, we reference the Great Raisin, whom we talk about a lot but don’t exactly know who or what he is, and our sister Molly, who a). likes Raisin Bran and crackers, and b). had this joke about wanting to be First Lady [...]

As I have mentioned before, my friends and I share the same bizarre sense of humor. This is especially true of my friend Mike DeStefano. A year or so ago when I was in grad school, we tried to get a group together to see Leave it to Psmith by P.G. Wodehouse, a hilarious play [...]

Yep, here are some more from an email today. Can somebody say … too much time on our hands?
ME
Long-lost roommate! Can I crash your Taco Bell party with Rebecca tonight?
:=3) That’s a guy with a big flabby nose smiling at the thought of Taco Bell.
Uh, he’s not invited, though.
:=3( [...]

Emoticons. We all know what they are—those little faces made of colons and parenthesis and lower case p’s and all sorts of other symbols that don’t really look what like they supposedly represent, but we all pretend. Becky and I, in our many emails back and forth, have started experimenting and inventing our own system [...]

My sisters and I have seen our share of anime, or Japanese cartoons, which can be extremely weird. Now, to be fair, I will say that I have watched some series that I rather enjoyed, so I’m not knocking the genre completely. But there are some things that are somehow lost in translation and end [...]

I associate with some very strange people who also happen to be hilarious. Some of the e-mail correspondence I’ve had with them has been downright hilarious. Basically, one of us will say something completely off the wall, and the other reacts like he or she knows exactly what’s going on and adds new (bizarre) details. [...]